


A Letter, Or Therapy is Expensive

by LadyBrooke



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Gen, Humor, Letter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-11
Updated: 2012-06-11
Packaged: 2017-11-07 12:42:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/431334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyBrooke/pseuds/LadyBrooke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Orodreth is quite fed up with paying for his brother and cousin's therapy bills, thank you very much. If only Aegnor would stop throwing a fit and burning stuff, and Celegorm wasn't quite so obsessed with women, he would have more money for himself. Or perhaps his parents and Uncle could take responsibility for their own children.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Letter, Or Therapy is Expensive

**Author's Note:**

> This story uses Quenya forms and nicknames. 
> 
> Nolo = Nolofinwe = Fingolfin. 
> 
> Tyelko = Tyelkormo = Celegorm. 
> 
> Aikanaro = Aika = Aegnor 
> 
> Angarato = Angrod 
> 
> Artaresto = Orodreth

_Dear Atar and Amil, Grandfather, Uncle Nolo and Auntie Anaire, and Uncle Feanaro,_

_I love my siblings and cousins, I really do. However, that love aside, therapy is expensive. Especially when one of the people in therapy is a pyromaniac, and the other is a crazy stalker who has made dolls of his obsession and is currently plotting how to kill her husband. This is especially worrying for the latter, since both his obsession and her husband are dead, and have been for many years now._

_To expand further on the above two people, Aikanaro has, in the last century or so, managed to burn the house to the ground, destroy Angarato’s wardrobe, and nearly killed several of us in accidents, among other things. No, the solution is not to get rid of Lord Ure, as I have explained many times. Aika needs a friend, now that that he’s finally starting to accept the fact that Andreth is gone until at least the Dagor Dagorarth. Besides, I’ve talked with both of them, and there will be no more burning the house down._

_Moving on, Tyelkormo is still so utterly obsessed with Luthien that it is genuinely frightening. His first therapist ran away in tears. Do you know how hard it is to find a non-female therapist these days? But I had to, after the first one (justifiably) ran away, after Tyelko mistook her for Luthien and tried to abduct her. He has even made tiny dolls of her, and they are everywhere. Reputable sources have told me that he sleeps with at least one of them each night. Furthermore, Luthien is dead, and yet he still persists in plots to kill her husband and steal her away. I’m not even entirely sure that he understands that Luthien is dead._

_As for why you are included in this letter, Uncle Nolo and Auntie Anaire, I would have a few of your children in therapy as well, except for the fact that I have no money left to spend on therapy for anybody._

_Which brings us to the main part of this letter – I am not the father of any of my cousins and siblings, nor am I their grandfather. In fact, I am younger than most of them. Therefore, it is quite puzzling to me how I am continuously stuck with the bills for them. Any explanations?_

_Sincerely,  
Artaresto_

_P.S. – Grandmother is not included in this letter because she actually has helped with the bills, supplying Angarato’s new wardrobe. Thank you Grandma!_


End file.
